Undercover twist
by phole4ever
Summary: This is my First SVU story... title is bad...What happened if Fin was too late to rescue Olivia... And the aftermath after Olivia being raped by Lowell and how she copes with it. It's an A/O fix I hope you guys enjoy it. Read and review please Final Chapter is UP I everyone enjoyed
1. Being out of the loop

I am redoing my first chapter(s) to make it smoother I hope this is more readable.

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><p>Olivia Benson was downstairs in the basement of the prison was fighting for her life while Lowell Harris brought her down to punish her for speaking up. Olivia ran away from Lowell after she double fisted him in the groin. She reached a locked silver door with bars over the window. She began slamming on the door, "Please someone Help me!" She screamed, trying to untwist the locked knob. She looked back to Lowell who was only footsteps in front of her. Lowell back slapped with the hand that had a ring on a finger; the impact of his hit lead Olivia fall to the ground. He took her handcuffed hand and took the other bracelet and clicked it to the door. Lowell grabbed Olivia's arm to make her stand up. He grabbed her neck and pressed his body against hers; while he began to unbuckle his pants. Lowell moved his face closer to Olivia's and aggressively began to kiss her. Olivia grabbed a piece of Lowell's lip between her teeth and bit down, with the reaction Lowell pressed his thumb down on her neck, to cut her airflow down. Olivia started feeling light headed and vision became foggy, she felt Lowell spit the blood she drew on her, and her legs be unclothed.<p>

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><p>Olivia woke up in the hospital bed, not remembering what happen. Elliot walked into the hospital room. "Hey,"<p>

She looked at him, with plead in her eyes, "What happen."

"Fin, found you with out your clothes on, and Lowell on top of you. They did the rape kit while you were sleeping so we get this all sort out." Elliot informed, sitting down in the chair next to her bed. "Do you remember anything that happened?"

"I ran... I fought... He kissed me, I bit him and..." She told him all she knew but words couldn't come out of her mouth because she didn't know. She closed her eyes, shook her head with a tear coming out of her eye. Olivia wiped her tear away took a deep breath and looked at her partner. "Where is he?"

"Fin and Cragen are taking care of him." Elliot took Olivia's hand to give her comfort. "Do you want to talk?"

Olivia brushed her hand to Elliot's cheek, with a smile, "Thanks, but you should go home and spend time with Kathy,"

"Are you sure?" He asked with a nod coming from Olivia.

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><p>Olivia finally made her way back to her apartment, to take a nice hot shower. She was in her bedroom getting dress in her pajamas. She closed her eyes and took a nice deep breath in then a tear ran down her cheek. She felt a grip on her shoulder. Liv jumped and swung her arm up in the defense mode. She turned around to see Alex holding her face where Olivia just hit her. "Alex?" She asked forgetting that she called her to come over.<p>

"Hey are you okay?" Alex asked holding Olivia's arms. Olivia looked into Alex's eyes, and wanted to say something but didn't know what to say. She simply shook her head, while her whole body was shaking. Alex pulled Olivia into an embrace wanting to stop her shakes, which began tears that she was fighting all day. Alex sat them on the bed, and tucked Liv's hair behind her ear. "Do you wanna talk about it?" Alex asked. Alex wanted to cry with Olivia seeing all the bruises on her body.

She took a sigh, "I know what there is to talk about, all I remember after I was fighting the bastard off and then I woke up to Elliot." She moved her feet on to the bed.

"Well do we have evidence that he..." Alex couldn't even say rape, this time being about Olivia.

"I don't know... I haven't checked it yet." She stated, and getting a look from Alex, "I know... I know I just want this day to be over. I didn't dare to go into the office, I just want to try and get some sleep."

"Okay, well I'll leave you tonight something tells me you want to be alone." Alex said getting up, seeing that Olivia was shutting down to her, and not wanting to force anything on her.

"Alex wait, can you stay with me tonight?" Olivia stated not wanting to be alone at the moment, but needing to spend time with Alex.

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><p>Olivia walked into the squadroom the next morning. She placed her things down on her desk but continued over to Fin's desk. Fin looked up at Olivia's facial expression that didn't need words to know what she is saying.<p>

"I can't," He answered her.

"Fin." She commanded with her hand sticking out, and not liking stuff being held back from her. She can't look at a file, because she was a victim.

"Liv," He started while standing up, with the tone of voice that came out of Fin's voice wasn't as reassuring as it could be. "Russell Hunter came into the interview, and Harris is back on the job."

"What?" Olivia was took back on the news, "Why with the evidence you have?" Olivia walked past Fin, and barged into Cragen's office pissed. "Did he penetrate me?"

Cragen closed his door, and sat on his desk getting ready to break the news to her, "Your kit just came back, and there is DNA." He answered her with out saying yes.

"So why is he back at work this morning? There is clearly enough evidence coming from me to put him in prison." Olivia raised her voice.

"Olivia. " He said calmly, "We are in the process of getting the warrant for his DNA, trust me we are doing everything to get him." She nodding, and Cragen knowing he can't get be upset with her for jumping down his throat, knowing open of his best dectives going to be on the fritz with not being able to do anything on the case she intially started. Olivia took deep breath to pull herself together.

Alex walked into the prescient with a warrant in her hand, while Cragen and Benson walked out of his office, "Did you guys asked for a warrant?"

Fin jumped up and took the warrant out of Alex's hand, "I'm on it." Munch followed Fin out.

"Olivia and Elliot I want you to take the rest day off." Cragen pointed out after the warrant got handed over.

Olivia assumed this was coming with the arrest, and was gathering her things. "Excuse me?" Elliot asked.

"Elliot this is Olivia's rapist, I know your anger issues and I don't trust you to be around when he gets here." Cragen trying to keep his unit under control.

Olivia got goosebumps up and down her body with the quote 'Olivia's rapist' coming out of Cragen's voice. She rubbed her arms trying to get her goosebumps to go away, and walked over to Elliot. She placed her hand on his shoulder, "Hey why don't I buy you breakfast, I certainly can go for a drink." Elliot nodded to entertain his partner.

"As soon as he away, call me." Elliot commanded.

"Don't worry I'll be the first to let you two know." Alex answered them looking at Olivia.

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><p>I hope this is better than before trial chapter is coming up<p> 


	2. Trial

Alex woke up to Olivia in the bathroom water running. Alex leaned on the doorframe of the bathroom watching her girlfriend brush her teeth. Olivia looked over to Alex, and smiled and spitted out the fluids out of her mouth. "Hey, I didn't wake you did I?" She asked.

Alex stepped closer to Olivia and then sat on the counter. "No, but what are you doing up so early?"

"Oh I think I had to much too drink last night, your toliet now has my last night's dinner." Olivia joked.

"So are you ready for today?" Alex questioned, with it being Olivia's trial.

"No, it's been almost a month since it happen and I've been dredding this day since it happen," She opened up to Alex. "I don't think I can stomach being in the same room as him."

"I'm sorry it hasn't been quicker, but on the brightside... He has been sitting at Rikers while he has been waiting for this date." Alex tried get a smile out of Olivia. Olivia looked in Alex's eyes and handed her a smirk. Olivia stepped inbetween Alex's legs, and kissed her. "I'm going to take a shower, do you care to join me?" Alex questioned while resting her forehead to Olivia's and playing Olivia's necklace.

Olivia wanted to say 'Yes' but her body told her no, "Why don't you take a shower, and I'll cook you breakfast." She suggested wanted to please Alex and her body.

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><p>Alex smiled when Olivia and Elliot walked into the hall of the courthouse. "Hey," she greeted getting as close to her as other than to hug her. Alex noticed Olivia was pale. "Are you feeling better?"<p>

"I think so?" She said adjusting her shirt. "It's probably just nerves."

Alex took Olivia's hand, made sure they look at each other in the eyes; and smiled "We got this." They walked into the courtroom.

Olivia sat down in the court room next to Ashley and Elliot on the bench behind Alex. Lowell was escorted in the room, he looked saw the girls and winked at Olivia. They all listen to the statements, and Ashley's and Fin's testimony. Russell called Lowell to the stand.

"Mr. Harris how do know Olivia Benson?" Russell asked his client.

"She was undercover as an inmate at Sealview,"

"Did you know she was undercover?"

"No,"

"How did Ms. Benson get the marks from Sealview?"

"She was very much out spoken from day one." Lowell was answering everything Russell was asking. Russell and Lowell were going back and forth until Russell finally said no more questions.

"Mr. Harris what were you doing when you brought my client down to the basement of Sealview?" Alex jumped up.

"Well she was making an outbrust, and was taking her down to the hole, but she insisted on doing other things."

"Other things as in?"

"She wanted to pleasure me instead of being in the hole."

"Can you explain what the Hole is?" Alex wanting the jury to hear.

"It's a cell where an inmate will be alone no interaction with anyone, and they are there for a day maybe more."

"And you brought her down to the basement knowing that ethically it is against the law to accept bribes. Let alone sexual favors?"

"Yes,"

"So you are telling us that that my client was asking for this?"

"Yes,"

"Why did my client ask for it?"

"All the girls in Sealview rather pleasure a cop rather than be in the hole."

"Mr. Harris if my client was asking for it, why did she wake in the hospital from being unconsious?"

"She wanted it rough."

"Is that why Dective Tutuola found her handcuffed."

"Yes."

"How did Dective Benson become unconscious?"

"I um I choked her." He stated.

"Did you have sex with my client?"

"Well," Harris was squirming trying to figure out how to answer the question.

"Mr. Harris answer my question."

"Yes."

"While she was unconsious, after she left you marks on you, and she didn't have a chance to say NO?"

"That's the way she wanted it."

Alex finish asked the questions to Lowell and then they moved on to Olivia's statment.

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><p>"Ms. Benson why did you deciede to go undercover?" Russell started a simliar question Alex asked her.<p>

"Because I found out there were over 40 complants reported about certain guards were abusing thier power, and taken advantage of the female inmates."

"That's very noble of you, now did you know what you getting into when you took your mission?"

"I had a very good idea,"

"So can we say you lead on Mr. Harris while you were in jail?" Russell questioned.

"Objection!"

"Overruled," Donnelly replied, "please answer the question."

"No, I was trying to be a sitting duck and go with the flow while trying to figure out what was going on with these women." She explained what she did.

"Ms Benson do you have a boyfriend?"

Olivia was put back with the question, "No,"

"A girlfriend?" He asked.

Her eye's popped out of her head trying to figure out what Russell was trying to get out of her. Alex watched Liv becoming unconfortable. "As of the moment yes." Olivia answered before Alex could yell 'objection'.

"So are you gay?"

Olivia looked at Russell square in the eyes not liking her personal life being out in the open, telling stuff she hasn't even told Elliot yet. "I don't like to be labeled, the woman I'm seeing is the only woman I've been with."

"Do you miss being with men?" Russell asked Olivia with his back towards Olivia, but looking at Alex.

"I love my girlfriend." Olivia stated.

"And I believe you, but" Russell turned back to face Olivia, "Did you want to go down to the basement with Lowell want him to have 'rough sex', and have it looked like he forced sex on you?"

"No,"

"No further questions." Russell sat down on at his table. Olivia stepped down from the stand.

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><p>Alex and Russell both gathered thier thoughts for closing statements. Judge Donnelly had Hunter go up first.<p>

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, today you have heard statements from two highly decorated people from the law how can you tell who's telling the truth or not. Lowell Harris has admitted he has been abusing his power some nights of the week, but every inmate has been willing trade themselves instead of being in the hole. Now we have Dective Benson who has a history of being with men except at the present time, and she reports the sex act that happen. This wasn't rape and there was no evidence to proof Lowell rape Ashley Tyler either, please don't put this innocent man away." Russell sat down.

Alex clicked her pen and stood up, and looked everyone of the juriers. "Innocent? Lowell Harris is an officer of Sealview prision, but he is not an innocent man. That man" Alex pointed at Lowell. "Abused his power, he took advantage of the women in Sealview. If it weren't for the fact Ms. Benson went undercover this wouldn't have been known. Mr. Harris is claiming that Dective is making up a report now, why would a woman who has decicated her life to help woman fake a rape? Ashley is a 16yr old girl who pointed out the same deffect on Mr. Harris' penis, on the same man who raped her; coinsident? I think not."

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><p>Alex, Olivia, and Elliot were sitting in Alex's office, waiting for the jury to deciede. Olivia was pacing back and forth. Alex and Elliot were eating Chinese food, but Olivia's stomach couldn't handle anything.<p>

"Olivia it's going to be okay, they're gonna convict him." Alex stated, which didn't help. "Why don't you eat something?"

"I can't eat anything without wanting to throw up. How strong do you think the case is when Hunter asked about my sexual past, he implanted thoughts into the jury's head?"

"I'm not sure," Alex confirmed. "But we still have Ashley's testamony still don't know strong it is."

"Yeah, why am I confused about how you answered your questions?" Elliot asked Olivia.

Olivia brushed off the question, to ask Alex, "How did he know to ask it?"

Alex looked at Olivia and Elliot, "Well Russell could have seen this and knew he could try and use it to you." Alex picked a picture on her desk, and nice friendly picture of Olivia and Alex that was taking by Elliot when the SVU gang celebrated a won case. Elliot took the photo so he can answer his own question. "He was more interested in my reactions to your questions, than you answer truthfully or not."

"He wanted to get back at you more than his win his case?" Elliot questioned.

"No, He wants to win his case, by getting back at me, but not only was it getting back at me he tried to attack me and Olivia together." Alex explained, knowing her win loose ratio between her and Hunter, and looked at Olivia,"I'm sorry I couldn't stop him, Donnelly would over ruled me anyways."

"It's not your fault, we've been on downlow, and I can't lie on the stand." Olivia comfort Alex placing her hands on Alex's arms. A knock on the door and Alex's assistant came in to tell them that the court was ready.

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><p>Thanks for reading<p> 


	3. Let's Celebrate

Shorter Chapter sorry.

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><p>Olivia and Elliot sat outside on the steps of a bar where the SVU gang was celebrate the win of Olivia and Alex. They were drinking a pitcher of beer by themselves. Elliot refilled Olivia's cup and finally asked, "So how long have you been seeing Cabot?"<p>

Olivia nodded knowing this conversation was going to be coming after her testimony at court. She took a gulp of her beer, "It's been on and off between her being in the Witness Protection Program, but we've been serious about it now that she is over in Homicide, and we have Novak." She opened up, "Look I'm sorry we never told you, it was never the right time, and we were breaking the rules."

"Do you love her?" He asked Liv.

"Yeah, I do."

"Does she love you?" Elliot asked her like he was her big brother and wanted to make sure his partner wasn't going to get hurt again.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure she does, but I don't know how much longer she is going to put up with me," She started.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, like this morning I got invited to a shower, I wanted to, but I couldn't." Liv opened up to her partner/best friend of almost ten years about her sex life that usually tries to keep it away from people.

"Why."

"El, I thought I was getting better but..." Olivia stood up began to pace.

"But?"

"I don't want to be touched, anytime I've tried to open up, but I shut right back down. " She explain her circle to Elliot, nervous about her relationship with one of the only people besides Elliot who completely understands her.

"Alex, is not shallow like that." Elliot stood up, making sure she looked him in the eyes. "You were rape, I know she understands that. We need to get you into therapy, but right now I need another beer." Elliot want to make her day alittle better, escorted her back into the bar.

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><p>Alex and Olivia arrived at Olivia's apartment intoxicated but not drunk, they both go changed into thier pajamas. After they changed Alex wanted to make one more drink before they go to bed. Liv walked up behind Alex, she pulled Alex's pink rob off her shoulders, and began softly kissing the back of her neck. Alex exhaled a smile and she put down her glass and the bottle on the counter. Alex allowed her rob to hit the floor. Olivia move one of her hands down Alex's body and down her lounge pants to her hand's way to Alex's rosebud. Alex let out at moan that lead it to heavy breathing. Alex had to move turn around needing to see Olivia's face.<p>

"Are, are you sure?" Alex began sweat, with Olivia's fingers movement to Alex's g-spot. Olivia looked Alex's eyes and pressed her body closer to Alex's. Liv was getting excited hearing Alex's breathing.

"Yes," Liv smiled and began to kiss her.

After Liv got Alex to climax, walked into the bedroom not being able to break thier kiss. Liv sat down on the bed, breaking the kiss. Alex smiled being happy about Olivia coming back to her. Alex brushed Olivia's hair back with her fingers, loving her brown eyes. Alex kissed Olivia's forehead and softly kiss down her faced to start another kiss. Alex began unbuttoning Olivia's night shirt.

Olivia closed her eyes, but saw Lowell. She began trembling, tried to fight through what she kept seeing, behind her eyelids. Olivia broke the kiss while pushed Alex off of her. "Stop."

Alex took a step back, and looked at Olivia with much concerned, "Are you okay?"

"I can't, I'm sorry," Olivia exhauled, going to the bathroom. Alex sat down on the bed feeling completely confused.

Olivia splashed cold water on to her face, trying to stop the flashbacks. She stared at her reflection trying to figure herself out. She couldn't continue to look at herself, turning around sliding down the counter of the sink coming from a sigh. Liv pulled her knees up to rest her chin on them, and stared off into space.

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><p>I hoped you enjoy the chapter.<p> 


	4. Get Out

Alex walked out of Olivia's bedroom to see Olivia on the couch eating icecream and drinking orange juice. "Orange juice with icecream for breakfast?" Alex questioned while raising her eyebrows.

"Yeah," Olivia asked swallowing her mouthful of icecream, and lifted up her spoon to Alex with a smile. "want some?"

"I'll pass," she stated sitting down next to Liv, "Did you sleep last night?" she asked.

"A little, I'm sorry about last night?" Liv apolgized to Alex placing her bowl of icecream on the coffee table, and turning her body towards Alex.

Alex took Olivia's hand, "Sorry for what?"

"For you leading you on, and then pulled away." She stated trying to avoid eye contact and started to look out the window.

"Hey," Alex tucked Liv's hair behind her ear, and tapped her chin to make Olivia have eye contact with her, "I never asked you to,"

"But..." Olivia started but couldn't get out another word.

All I want is you to be safe, and okay," Alex assured Olivia. Olivia looked at Alex with fear in her eyes and the fighting her tears. Olivia tried talk to Alex but every thought she was going to tell Alex just made see him again. Olivia shook the thoughts out of her head, instead she stood up with her bowl and cup; headed towards the kitchen sink, to start washing her dishes. Alex followed her, rubbed her hand on Olivia's shoulder, and sat up on the counter next to the sink. "You need to talk to someone, maybe you should look into therapy." Alex tried to gain eye contact with Olivia again.

Olivia closed her eyes, took a deep breath in leaning her head back, "Alex"

"Yea?"

Olivia opened her eyes and looked at Alex, "Get out," She said wanting to avoid going back to what she can't stop seeing.

"What?" Alex got taken back with what came out of Olivia's mouth. She got off the counter to get to eye level."Why?"

"I just don't want you here anymore." Olivia responded.

"No..." Alex started, but Olivia started to dry her bowl to tune whatever Alex was trying to tell her. Alex brushed Olivia's hair behind her ear to Olivia's face and placed her hand on her upper back. "Pushing people away..."

"I don't care!" Olivia shook her head trying to push the words that were coming from Alex away and stepping out from Alex's grasp. "I don't want to talk" She looked into Alex's eyes, to make sure Alex understood how serious she was. "I want you out." She walked away from Alex, and into her bedroom slamming the door.

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><p>Elliot and Olivia were getting back from a crime scene to the squadroom. Olivia was walking about ten paces ahead of him not wanting to discuss her getting sick at a crime scene, as well as snapping at people and zoning out when they they were receiving information.<p>

"Liv," Elliot said picking up his pace to catch up with her. He placed his hand on her should to stop her from walking presinc. Olivia stopped rolled her eyes and turned towards Elliot, alittle tense. "Hey, what was that back there?"

"I'm fine," She tried to assure herself and him. "It's just a reminder of a previous attack, and I guess it got to me." She informed; the victim was strapped to the bed, strangled and raped.

"Is that all?"

"What are you getting at?" Olivia protested.

"Something else is up with you and this isn't about the crime scene." They finish walking to thier desk

"Why?" She sat down at her desk questioning Elliot's interagation.

"Come on I know you, what is going on?" He tried to consule her.

Olivia looked across her desk, to Elliot, "Elliot," She started and wanted to tell him about what happen, but is getting tired of people shrinking her."I am fine."

Elliot leaned on his desk to be closer to her, "No you're not." They were having a stare down, of whose was going to back down first: Olivia to open up or Elliot to leave her alone.

Olivia broke to staring looked down at her desk, grabbed her pen and started clicking it repeatively. "I..." She started paused for a moment trying to get her words together, "I kicked Alex out this morning." Elliot gave her a look of surprise, "I don't want to talk about it." She commanded.

"Wow could you do a 180 in less than 24hours?" Elliot didn't listen to what she told him.

"Elliot!" She snapped at him.

"Okay what do we have?" Cragen walked out of his office waiting to hear about the new investigation. Olivia was relieved that Cragen came out at the perfect time so she didn't have to finish her conversation with Elliot.

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><p>I hope you enjoyed<p> 


	5. Deal

enjoy

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><p>About two weeks passed and Alex walked into the presinct needing to talk, and she saw Olivia's desk without Olivia. She quietly walked up to Elliot who was reading a file.<p>

"Hey," She greeted resting her hand on his desk.

"Counselor to what do we owe this pleasure?" He leaned back on his chair away from his desk. Alex was distracted looking at the empty desk, "She's in court."

"Can we talk?" Alex pleaded.

"Sure Tony's." He stood up.

"Yeah, uh that's fine, I'm buying." Alex agreed to hearing Olivia walking in the presinct with Casey Novak, carrying take out bag. Olivia stopped laughing when she saw Alex standing in front of her desk.

"Hey, what's going on?" Olivia asked looking at both Elliot and Alex placing the bag on her desk.

Elliot looked at Alex who was trying to contain herself, "Oh, I asked Alex to come here for some legal advice."

"Nothing you could ask me on?" Casey questioned grabbing her meal out of the bag, sitting down at the chair next to Olivia's desk. They broke open thier take out boxes to start eating.

"You were busy and I haven't seen Alex in awhile so I wanted to give her a call." Elliot wrapped his arms around her.

Alex smiled at Elliot, "Since when do you eat Thai?" She noticed Olivia started to eat chicken pad thai; that is unusual dish for her.

Olivia put her fork down rolled her eyes, "You know today I wanted to eat it," She snapped. The snap made Elliot and Casey's eyes pop out of thier head. " would you like to join us?" She quickly asked Alex giving her dagger eyes.

Alex recieved goosebumps from Olivia's eyes, "No, we're leaving." Alex responded, nodded to Elliot to leave the presinct with her.

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><p>Alex and Elliot were sitting at a bar, waiting on a table, Alex consumed two shots of vodka while waving down the bartender to keep them coming. "Wow, slow it down there killer." Elliot advised.<p>

"I don't care I don't have court until tomorrow," Alex trying to wash down her worries downing her shot number three. Alex propped her elbows on the bar, her hands went together and then rested her chin on her hands. "What did I do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Elliot, she is your partner, you know her better than anybody. She is avoiding me, completely, you saw how she was earlier."

"Alex, you didn't do anything wrong, she has to cope with what happen, Personally I think she is getting better." He tried making Alex feel better which caused Alex to intake her fourth shot.

"She isn't, she is getting worse, and I can't help she won't let me." She looked at Elliot in the eyes trying to figure out how to get through to Olivia.

"You know she is stubborn

"Yeah, she listens to you, can you talk to her and try to get her help." Alex asked.

"I'll try." He patted her on the back.

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><p>Olivia was at the gym taking out all her aggression out on a punching bag. The punches were becoming harder and harder. "Who is it that you are punching at?" Elliot asked holding the bag.<p>

"What are you doing here, I thought you were with Alex?" She questioned wiping the sweat off of her forehead, before she started hitting it again.

"I was and I just dropped her off at her apartment, she's drunk at 3pm." He informed, with a reaction of harder hits coming from Olivia, "She is a mess."

"What do you want from me?" She stopped hitting the bag and walked to her water bottle to take a drink.

"That woman that I had lunch with today is becoming a mess because you're not dealing with what happen to you."

"I'm not dealing with it? Elliot how would like me to deal with this, because I'm having a really hard time trying to throw this chapter out of my life." She asked pacing in circles to keep her muscles warm while looking at the floor and counting each foot step.

"Stop," Elliot said making Olivia stop exersicing, he put both hands on her arms having her body face his. "Stop bottling it all up, look at me." Olivia's lost eyes made her ways to Elliot, "You have got to stop avoiding it."

"El," She sighed out.

"What do you tell all our victims?" He asked finally got words to stick with her.

"To get help, go to therapy." Olivia rolled her eyes knowing what she always says.

"Then listen to your own advice, and stop pushing the people that love you away, because we're not going away." Elliot stated talking about him as well as Alex and managed to get a slight smile out of Olivia. "Okay?"

"Yeah, I know." She nodded, and got pulled into a hug from Elliot.

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><p>hope you liked it<p> 


	6. I'm sorry

Olivia walked down the hall to Alex's apartment. She finally worked up the courage to talk to Alex and knocked on the door. Alex opened the door, and greeted, "Hey" Alex leaned on the doorframe.

Olivia hesitant on what to say and started, "Hi," They stood face to face with an akward silence between them, "how are you?"

"Olivia why are you here?" Alex sighed.

Olivia looked at Alex not really knowing what to say, "I... um... I'm sorry I shouldn't have come." She shook her head and started to walk away from Alex's apartment.

"No, Olivia, wait," Alex walked after her, not wanting to loose contact with Olivia again, placed her hand on Olivia's shoulder making Olivia stop. "look; you came here for a reason; can you please come inside and talk to me?" Alex pleaded, they walked into Alex's apartment. Alex went into her fridge and grabbed two smirnoffs, handing Olivia one of them.

Olivia took the drink out of Alex's hand. "I'm sorry about how I treated you, I was a bitch to you and you didn't deserve it." Olivia looked into Alex's eyes.

"Okay, Why did you?"

"I... uh" She started and took a sip of her drink, "I can't stop seeing or hearing him, everytime I close my eyes or when it gets quiet, and it won't go away." her eyes became glassy.

"He is in jail, he won't ever hurt you again."

Olivia shook her head, "You don't understand he might be in jail but he has me trapped, I can't sleep anymore because I'm having nightmares. Time is suppose heal, but it's getting worse." Alex's heart broke hearing how lost her girlfriend is which caused Alex to pull Olivia into a hug.

"Why couldn't you tell me about it?" Alex asked.

"Because I just want to go away, and talking about it makes me have to relive it again." Olivia stepped out of the embrace and sat down on the couch.

"Well how is bottling it up doing it for you?"

"Not well,"

"Well I'll always be here for..." She started but thought about how Olivia has been pulling away from her, "If you still want me to be with you."

"I love you, and I wanna be with you," Olivia started.

"But?"

"Do you really wanna be with a person in who is screwed up like this?"

"I want to be with you through thick and thin," She took Olivia's hand, "but you have to let it, out talk to someone, me, Elliot, or a therapist; but this everything is going to take time. "

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><p><em>Olivia was out at a mexican dinner with Alex, the waiter serving them thier second margarita. Alex kissed Olivia's hand and then massaged the back of Olivia's hand with her thumb. "So I've been thinking that we need to take a vacation soon." Alex stated.<em>

_Olivia took a sip of her drink and looked into her eyes, "Yeah, it would be nice to get away sometime, do you have anything in mind?"_

_Alex heard a very dancable song start, and smirk looking at Olivia,"Not at the moment but I know what we should do right now," Alex stood up and pulled Olivia up from her seat. Olivia responded with a smile and stars were forming in her eyes. Alex walked Olivia to the dance floor holding Olivia's hand. Alex twirled Olivia around to face her. They began to dance to the high-beat music. The girls were getting all sweaty, thier bodies were magnets to each other; they barely separated. _

_"I'll be right back, I have to pee," Olivia informed Alex, giving her a kiss parting from Alex._

_Olivia walked out of the bathroom stall, to the sink she began to run the water. She took the paper towel and head to the door. Olivia pulled on the door to exit, however the door wouldn't opened. After the door wouldn't open she turned around to bump into Lowell Harris. He smirked at her, moving her bangs out of her face. Olivia walked away from him, and he grabbed her arm and slammed her against the door. _

_"Stop you can't." She cried out hearing a his belt being unbuckled."Please"_

_Lowell cupped Olivia's jaw, and jerked her face to make her look at him."You fight me, I'll kill you." He informed moving his hand up her skirt, pulling her underwear off, and began to kiss her neck. _

_A tear formed in her eye, while hearing Alex's voice coming closer to the bathroom door calling out Olivia's name. Olivia kneed Lowell in the groin from hearing Alex's voice, Lowell looked her and raised his fist hit her face with as much force as possible._

Olivia sat up from her sleep sweating. "What happened, where's Lowell?" She asked looking at Alex.

"Hey, hey, hey it was just a dream," Alex brushed Olivia hair back with her fingers, to look in Olivia's terrified eyes. "Are you okay?"

"No," She stated shaking her head, with tears streaming down her face.

Alex pulled Olivia in for a hug to try relax and comfort her from nightmare. "It's okay just breath." Alex began rocking them back and forth. Olivia was taking deep breaths trying to calm herself down, she couldn't close her eyes to fall back asleep. A knot in Olivia's stomach tighten, trying to think away from her nightmare.

Olivia quickly ran out of bed, to the bathroom. The knot moved up her stomach and finally made it's way out of her mouth into the toliet. Olivia sat down leaning her back to the tub. Alex kneeled on the floor next to her; dabbing a cold facecloth around Olivia's face. "This is never gonna end is it?" Olivia sighed the facecloth out of Alex's hands and placing it behind her neck. She stood up to the sink and began to rinse her mouth out with water.

"It will, I promise." Alex rubbed her hand up and down Olivia's back. "Why don't you come on back to bed, we have about two more hours we can get of sleep."

Olivia spit the water out of her mouth, and looked at Alex, "Why don't you go back to bed. I.. I can't go back to sleep not tonight at least." Olivia stated not wanting to chance another nightmare.

"No, that's fine do you want to go get breakfast?" Alex questioned needing to know that she is there for Olivia.

"Alex, go to bed you need your sleep, and I don't want to be the cause of it." She took Alex's hand, and kissed her forehead, "Please go back to bed I'll be fine."

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><p>I hoped you enjoyed this chapter.<p> 


	7. Pregnant?

Olivia sat down at her desk one morning she looked acrossed the desk to Elliot eating his breakfast getting nauseous from the smell of bacon and eggs. Elliot grabbed the sandwhich out of the bag and tried to hand it to Olivia.

"Oh God no," She replied pushing the food away, her face turning two shades lighter.

"Are you okay?" Elliot asked.

"Yeah, I'm just not hungry." She opened up a file on her desk, and turned on her computer.

"How you been holding up lately?" He questioned.

"I've been doing better I think," She replied, while looking at things on her computer. Elliot was starring at her, "Is there anything else?" She asked.

"Just thinking it's been a couple months since..." he started, trying to figure out how to talk to her.

She quickly looked at him away from her computer, with the small talk getting turned into a conversation, "What are you getting at?"

"I'm just thinking, but has it crossed your mind..."He tried to get out, with out actually telling her that he is seeing the same symptoms that Kathy had four prior times.

She started shaking her head, "You're crazy," She interupted him, "I'm not." she moved away from the conversation; to the coffee pot, and started to make a cup.

Elliot followed her to get closer, to keep the conversation quiet. "Hey it's okay if you are..."

"Stop." She said putting her hand up, looked him straight in the eyes. "I'm not, I took the morning after pill at the hospital,"

"87% effective," He quickly shot back, which made Olivia almost drop the coffee. She caught herself and accidentlly put the pot loudly.

"Why are you pushing this so much," Olivia getting frustrated with Elliot questioning her like a perp.

"Why are you so in denial,"

"Because I don't want to become my mother." She lashed out walking out of the squadroom to stop the conversation even further.

"Liv,"Elliot ran after Olivia who was heading into the car. He took her arm to make her look at him. "Even if you are... You're not your mother." Elliot continued the conversation that Olivia walked out of.

Olivia rolled her eyes, and let out, "I am not so sure. I can't fall asleep without having a couple of drinks."

"You are stronger than her, and you have a different support system than she did."

"Elliot please... just stop... okay?" Olivia pleaded to finally see him nod. "Okay where are going to?"

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><p>Alex walked into Olivia's apartment, Olivia was in the kitchen actually cooking dinner. "Hey, it smells good in here," Alex placed one of her hands on Olivia's hip and stand on the oppisite side of Olivia than her hand, and grabbed a mushroom out of the pan. "It is good, what's the occasion?"<p>

"Thanks," Olivia smirked and looked at Alex,"and I just decieded I wanted to cook tonight."

Alex saw the stars in Olivia's eyes eventhough it was still daylight. "You are so beautiful," Alex slowly leaned her head closer to Olivia. Olivia responded to Alex's plead; by caressing her cheek and pulled her into an intense kiss. Olivia face her body to Alex's. Alex

pulled Olivia closer to her body, with her hands running up Olivia's butt and up her chest needing to feel Olivia's body. Alex started to unbutton Olivia's blouse.

After two buttons were unfastened, Olivia turned her face unlocking thier liplock. "I can't," Alex sighed out of frustration, and moved to the cabinets to grabbed plates for food. Olivia walked over to Alex and moved Alex's hair to the side, "You know I want to." Olivia stated planting a couple kisses on Alex's neck.

Alex turned back to face Olivia, "Then why don't you?"

"Because I don't want lead us on just to pull away in the end. I'm sorry." Olivia took the plates out of Alex's hands and began put portions on to thier plates; and placing them on the bar. Olivia took out the cutlery, and finally sat down one of the two chairs.

Alex opened the fridge looking the beverage options, "What do you want?" She asked Liv.

"Uh, I'm just gonna have water." She responded. Alex sat down next to Liv and handed her a bottled water. Olivia took a sip of water and began playing with her food. "So, Elliot had this crazy idea today." She started a conversation about her events of the day.

"Yeah, what would that be?"

"He thinks I'm pregnant"She confessed to Alex.

"What?" Alex looked at Olivia shocked.

"Yeah, crazy right?" Olivia laughed while filling her mouth.

"N-n-no, I think he might be right." She thought out loud.

"You too?"

"Well now that you said it out loud." Olivia began play with her food, "I mean it all makes since. Your new eating habits, you being sick alot lately."

"Yeah, I'm sick because of a combination of stress and drinking... alot." Olivia admitting she has a problem.

"And it won't hurt to take a test." Alex advised tucking Olivia's hair behind her ear gettig Liv to look at her. Olivia responded to Alex by closing her eyes and shrugging her shoulders.

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><p>I hope you enjoyed please review<p> 


	8. I don't know what to do

Olivia and Alex were sitting in a room of Olivia's OBGYN. Olivia sat on the table rapidly tapping her fingers on it. Alex stood up from the chair to Olivia and rubbed Liv's back. Olivia jumped up on Alex's touch. She looked at Alex and sighed a smile of relief.

"Are you okay?" Alex asked.

"Yeah... Ur... No," Olivia started and cupped her face into her hands. "I don't know."

"Whatever happens, it will be okay. I promise" Alex tried to assure.

"Okay, Olivia sorry for your wait, let's get this started." Olivia nodded laying down on the table, and grabbed Alex's hand. The doctor turned on the ultrasound machine, and pushed up Olivia's shirt. "Okay, this gel is going to be a tad cold." She informed, all three of them looked at the ultrasound monitor. After a couple minutes the doctor pointed at the screen and stated, "There's the heartbeat." Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep breath and reopened them to look back at the monitor. She saw the fetius' heartbeat once again, reality was finally sitting in. "For three months, your baby is perfect size, since you are over forty it is at higher risks to have birth defects do you want me to run some to make sure it's ok?"

Alex looked at Olivia who was starring at the monitor, "Liv,"

"What? Yeah," Olivia jumped out of her daze and looked at Alex and the doctor.

"She wants to know if you want her to run 1st trimester tests to see if the baby will have any birth defects." Alex told Olivia the question.

Olivia's hands started trembling, "Um... yeah, whatever... I don't care." She stated in a giving up tone and her eyes watering up.

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><p>Olivia was pacing around her cleaning her apartment. Alex looked at the sonagram, sitting on the couch, "Do you want to talk?" She asked Olivia.<p>

"I don't know what to talk about." She stated putting her cleaning rag on the counter. She sat down on the stool not being able to stay still, from feeling trapped in her own body and not knowing how to escape everything that was going on.

"You have been out of it since the doctors," Alex stated putting the picture down on the coffee table.

"I want an abortion," Olivia said out loud.

"What... really... You always wanted a child." Alex being shocked with Olivia's reaction.

"Yeah, but do you honestly think I can love this child the way a mother should?"

"Yes I think you can." She answered with faith in her girlfriend.

"Yeah, well I don't," Olivia started, while getting a look from Alex. "Come on Alex. We both know how children of rape get treated." she said recalling her childhood in her mind. "I don't want to put a child through that mess."

"And the fact you what you are afraid of, that means you know what to beware of." Alex stood up from the couch to get closer to Olivia. "I believe you can give this baby a loving happy life."

"I don't want to take that chance, I want this thing out of me." Olivia shook her head walking into the kitchen. Olivia took the bottle of vodka and soda to begin making a drink. Olivia looked over the glass in her hand and the liquor rippling in it. She poured liquid down the sink and dropping the glass into the sink. "I've got to get out of here." She grabbed her her keys.

"Okay let's go."

"No." Olivia not looking at Alex putting her hand up pushing her away. "I need time to think alone."

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><p>Elliot walked around a cemetary to finally found Olivia's mother's grave with her sitting down right infront of it. "What are you doing it here at 3am?"<p>

"Better question what are you doing here at 3am?"

"Alex called me concern. She said you left your apartment hours ago and your phone is off."

"I'm sorry. I'm fine you can go home." She shrugged off.

"I can't do that, what's wrong?" Elliot asked seeing his partner clearly upset sitting down next to her.

"You're right. I'm p...pregnant." She choked out.

"Yeah, that's great."

"Stop."Olivia cut him off, "I want a straight answers from you."

"What do you mean?" Elliot asked.

"I don't know what to do, I want your honest opinion." Olivia plead to her partner.

"Okay?" He replied confused.

"Alex strongly wants me to keep this baby, but I... I don't think this child deserves or needs to be born." Olivia said upset at her feelings.

"Okay, why?" Elliot wanting to hear her reasoning.

"I really don't think I have the power to be a good mother without seeing Lowell. I mean look how my mother treated me." She stated understanding her mother more and more throughout adulthood, but now being able to relate to her with the situation going on.

"But look at you turned out great." He said trying to make Olivia getting some sort of relief. "What else is beating you up about this."

"I don't know what genes this baby is getting past on: My mother was a drunk, My father was a rapist and a junkie, and" Olivia put her hand on her stomach, "its father is a rapist and murder. That's bad enough blood alone."

"Liv..." He started trying to figure out what say not offend her. "I don't think abortion is the answer." She nodded knowing that he was going to say that. "But I believe you know what is best for this child."

"Thanks, I really don't know how much more I can take before I go insane." She laughed off standing up tapping her mother's tombstone.

Elliot stood up and pulled Olivia in for a hug, "This will eventually be okay. I promise."

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><p>"What the Hell are you thinking?" Elliot snapped out barging into Alex's office.<p>

"Hi, how are you?" Alex greeted trying to take Elliot's hostiliy away from her, and closed a book that she was reading.

"Why aren't you conflicting Olivia trying to presue her into doing something that she doesn't want to do?"

"And you know what she wants?" Alex closed her office door and turned to looked at Olivia's partner.

"Yeah, she doesn't want this baby."

"She doesn't know what she wants right now. She wants children, here is her chance to..."

"To have her rapist baby." He cut her off. "How can you have her cope with that? Do you not know the hell her mother put her through?"

"Yes, I do, and I think she has it in herself to be a fantastic mother without holding grudges to this baby unlike her mother did to her." Alex telling him about what she thinks to know about her girlfriend.

"Alex, I don't support abortion, but I do support Olivia and her choices."

"Frankly Elliot," She stood in a defensive postion and crossed her arms, "this situation doesn't involve you. You are married with five children, when you leave work you go home to them not to Olivia. I go home to her, this is my family not yours. " Alex shot out at Elliot.

"And who's to say you and Olivia are going to grow old together, so this... this isn't of your damn business either."

Both Alex's and Elliot's jaw dropped with what just came out of Elliot's mouth."I think you should leave now!" She said pointing to her door.

"Just to think before you talk to Liv again and treat her like a jury, eventhough she is near the breaking point in her head is right now with everything that has been going on. She still knows what is best for herself." Elliot snapped in an advising tone to Alex. "One wrong choice she could snap think about that."

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><p>Please review I hope you like it.<p> 


	9. Finally happy

Olivia walked into her apartment with dim lights and easy listening music. Alex smiled at Olivia with a single rose in her hand, standing up away from the coffee table with dinner already set on it. Olivia was surprised with the condition of her place making her feel warm all over. She couldn't do anything but smile ear to ear remembering how much she loves Alex even with all she's been through.

"Oh my, what's the occasion?" She asked taking the rose out of Alex's hand and a hello kiss.

"I love you, and..." Alex stated kneeling down on the floor.

"I love you too," Olivia looked at the chicken pad thai on the table and knelt down. "Chicken Pad Thai, Thank you!" Olivia was so ready to eat the food that she has been craving almost daily.

"I... I'm sorry about disagreeing with you about the abortion. This your choice and I support you in every way possible." Alex took one of her Olivia's hands.

"What changed your mind?" She asked taking a big mouthful of the pad thai.

"Elliot, and he was right. I was wrong for the way I acted."

Olivia swallowed the food in her mouth, and directly at Alex, "Thank you, I made an appointment tomorrow morning, I would love for you to come with me."

"I'll see what I can do." Alex explained to her girlfriend.

"Thank you." She kissed Alex's hand that was connected with hers. Olivia motioned her finger to Alex to have her move closer her. Olivia began a quick soft kiss, and moved her kiss down her neck.

"Well I like this thank you." Alex started but she still is hearing the words that Elliot snapped at her earlier that day. "I... I think we should move in together."

Olivia stopped kissing Alex's neck, and looked in Alex's eyes, "What? Really?"

"Yeah, I think it's time for us to try and do it." She said brushing Olivia's hair back.

"You do know mean if we do that we have to tell our bosses?" Olivia questioned Alex's thoughts, .

"Yeah, I think we're ready, do you?" Alex asked.

"I would like that very much." Olivia smiled from ear to ear and leaned for another soft kiss. Olivia released the kiss to rest her forehead on Alex's, "This mean we can actually go on a real date."

Alex tucked Olivia's hair behind her ear still playing her hair, "Yeah, we can." Alex excited about the thought being out in public alone showing thier love to each other. Alex moved out of Olivia touch to finish eating.

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><p>Olivia walked out her bathroom in her pajamas, observing Alex getting ready to bed. Alex sat down on the bed to take off her watch and jewelry on the nightstand. Olivia finally started feeling happy thanks to Alex, and her while getting closer to Alex; her pregnant began react from her emotions. Olivia placed her hands on Alex's legs, and slowly spread them apart kneeling on the floor inbetween them. Olivia moved her hands up Alex's legs past her thighs and unzipped her pants. Alex and Olivia's eyes were lock with both of them smirking. She grabbed Alex's open pants as well as her thong and pulled them off of Alex and on to the floor. Olivia started to kiss up Alex's thigh.<p>

Olivia started to softly stroking Alex cliterous with her middle finger. She chuckled after getting Alex hard and wet, causing Liv to lick inbetween Alex's lips. Eventually Olivia treated Alex clit like an icecream cone with the licking and sucking of Alex's wetness. Alex moaned out taking off her shirt, and held Olivia's hair like a ponytail. Alex was getting goosebumps up and down her body; her breathing became heavier. Alex let go of Olivia's ponytail, and moved her hand down Olivia's back and under her cami. Olivia pushed Alex's hand away twice. Olivia stuck her fingers into Alex to focus on her g-spot; this allowing Olivia moved her body up to be face to face with Alex.

"Stop." Olivia commanded Alex.

"But I want..." She started softly in a shakey uncontrolable tone moving Olivia's hair out of her face.

"Let me take care of you." Olivia stated still not certain she can have Alex touch her. Alex had a plead look in her eyes and nodded to Olivia's response not really being able to argue with her at the moment.

Olivia moved in for a kiss parting Alex's mouth with her tongue. Alex wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck pulling them closer together, causing Alex to collaspe on to the bed. Olivia slowly broke the kiss by a suck of Alex's bottom lip to start tasting down her neck. Alex's moans turned into screams when Olivia changed the pace of her hand. Alex tighten her muscles trying to fight with all of her feelings in her body.

"Oh My..."Alex screamed out pulling Olivia's in as close as the can possibly be. She began shaking all over.

Olivia returned her eyes to Alex's, "You like that?" She laughed out. Alex smiled still trembling. Olivia released Alex out of her grasp and fell to the bed next to Alex.

"Oh my I think I forgot what that was like." Alex stated turning to her.

"I'm glad to oblige." Olivia smiled.

"And can I have the honor and do the same for you?" Alex moved her hand to Olivia's pants.

Olivia took Alex's hand and played with her hair, "Let's not ruin the moment."

"But..." Alex started confused, Olivia moved herself to her side of the bed.

"I'll know when I'm ready." Olivia said getting under the covers, Alex moved her head to Olivia's chest to rest on her. "I love you though."

"I love you too."

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><p><strong><em>I hope you liked it. I felt Alex and Olivia needed a happy moment please review<em>**


	10. Abortion?

_Olivia and Alex were at central park with the Stablers watching Eli's soccer game. On a beautiful spring day._

_Eli scored a goal. "Way to go buddy!" Elliot yelled out and clapped his hands._

_"It's crazy how big he's gotten." Olivia observed to Elliot._

_"Yeah I agree."Elliot stated looking at a little girl who could be no older than four; with brown hair running to them from the playground._

_"Mommy can I get an Icecream." the young high pitch voice placing her hands on Olivia's thigh. _

_"What do you say?" _

_"Mommy can I Pleease have an icecream?" Her head cocked to the side looking at Olivia with her big brown eyes._

_Olivia looked to Alex, and turned back to her with a big smile and nodded at her. Olivia stood up and looked at the adults,"Does anyone else want anything?" They shook off the icecream gesture. Olivia grabbed the little girl's hand twirled her around to walk away from the soccer field. "Okay let's go."_

_"YAY!" She yelled running to the icecream stand with Olivia a couple paces behind her. "Can I get a creamsicle please?" The teenager gave the little girl the creamy treat. _

_Olivia paid the teenager,and walked them back to the group. Olivia sat down next to Alex and the child moved to sit on Olivia's lap. Olivia fixed the girl's ponytail while she ate her creamsicle. Alex leaned to the girl, "How's that tasting kiddo?"_

_"Good," She said eating._

_"Can I have a bite?" Olivia asked, the girl raised her treat. Olivia looked at her daughter and loved how much she cares about her, and how adorable she is. "I love you sweetie?"_

_"I love you too." She automatically replied handing over the creamsicle."Can I go play?"_

_"Can I get a kiss?" Olivia recieved a kissed on the cheek with the child getting off of her. "Have fun and stay in eye distance." Olivia leaned on Alex to watch her daughter play._

_Alex rubbed Olivia's arms, "You did good,"_

_Olivia looked at Alex,"Yeah, we did." She smiled giving Alex a soft kiss. _

_"Mommy!" Olivia looked back to the play ground with the girl being carried away with a man. _

_"Alex!" Olivia jumped up with Alex and Elliot and ran after the man to get her daughter back._

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><p>Olivia was sitting at the abortion clinic alone fidgety. To try and calm herself down, she grabbed one of the old magazines sitting on the table. She opened the magazine to look at the articles, none that was apealing to her. Olivia starred at one page thinking about her dream last night.<p>

"Olivia Benson," The nurse yelled into the waiting room while standing in front of the door. Olivia looked towards the nurse, and stood up. It seemed the door grew distance between her. Her heart started racing while she was walking to the open door.

"I... I can't." Olivia stated with something inside of her jerking her to stop dead in her tracks. She shook her head and walked out of the clinic.

Olivia barged out the front door of the clinic, not knowing what she is doing. "Hey, Hey Where are you going I thought your appointment is like now?" Alex asked Olivia running into her.

"I can't do it Alex." Olivia threw up her hands, and rested one of her hands on her forehead walking as fast as she can away from the clinic.

"What do you mean?" She asked turning away from the door to follow Olivia. Alex finally caught up Olivia who was sitting down on a bench with her eyes closed and her head up. Alex sat down next to Olivia and grabbed one of her hands. "wanna talk about it?"

"I ca... I can't..." Olivia tried to get her thoughts out of her head. "They called my name and I just couldn't."

"Why?"

"I had a dream last night. I, I, I saw her. She was beautiful... and innocent..."She was smiling remembering what she saw last night. " and I loved her." Olivia looked down and held her small baby bump forming stomach.

"But..." Alex questioned knowing there is always a but.

"She was taken away from me from some guy. I can't... I can't let that happen. She is my baby I can't abort her.I need to take care of her, and I think I can love her the way you think I can."

Alex touched Olivia's cheek to get her to look at her, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm positive; I want this baby."

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><p><strong>I hoped you enjoyed please tell me what you think<strong>


	11. Out Tonight

_**A/N Sorry it took so long mega writers block I hope you enjoy this chapter almost done with this story, hopefully next chapter will be up soon review, I wanted to make this more about Olivia and Alex being happy.**_

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><p>Olivia was sitting at her desk talking with Greylek, waiting for Elliot to return from booking. They finally got a confession of the main source with a chain of petaphiles.<p>

"Alrighty he is being processed, who's up for Chauncey's?" Elliot clapped his hands and announced walking back into the room.

"I could go for a victory drink." Kim agreed happy about her wins for the day.

Of course Munch and Fin were in for the gathering. They all looked at Olivia who hasn't responded yet. "Yeah, I'll hang out with you guys, just let me call Alex." She replied to the invite and reached for the phone.

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><p>Alex walked into the bar after her day going over cases. Olivia looked up at Alex smiled while getting up to greet her. Olivia made her way through the tables to give Alex a hug. Alex kissed Olivia's forehead. "How was your day?" She questioned placing her hand on Olivia's stomach.<p>

"It was good, and yours?"

"Better now." She smiled. Olivia took her hand and walked her to the gang.

"Hey Alex, how's life treating you." Elliot asked.

"Fantastic, I'm working on looking through applications for new interns."

"Must be tough to be the boss." Fin laughed.

Alex turned to towards Kim, "I don't believe we met, Alexandra Cabot."

"Kim Greylek. I transfered from DC and I now work with this interesting department. I've heard alot about you." Greylek started unusual babbling to Alex, reading her story in the papers about her being in the witness protection program. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

"Likewise." Alex replied, waving over the waiter, "Okay who needs a drink, well who needs a refill."

"They bought a pitcher." Olivia pointed out on the table while sipping her water.

"Oh okay, I'll have a vodka and cranberry, do you need another water?" Alex asked Olivia while taking her hand. She shook her head. "Yeah, that will be it."

"Wait can I get an order of mozzarella stix please?" Olivia smiled at the waiter, suddenly had the need for them.

"Alright I have an early morning tomorrow." Fin and Munch nodded both of them stood up and put money down for the check. "Okay, Alex it was good seeing you again don't be a stranger."

"Yeah, I'll try not to."

"So Ms. Cabot, how did you do it?" Kim geeking out to Alex.

"Alex please and do what?"

"Getting shot by the cartel, going into WPP and then come back as a Bureu chief?" Kim discribing Alex's brief past.

"Well I can't stay away from being a prosecutor, and Arthur asked me to come back after things were taking care of, plus of course there is Olivia." Alex smiled looking at Olivia and resting her hand on Olivia's knee. Olivia smile with Alex's words too and moved in for a kiss. Alex returned back to Kim to finish talking to her.

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><p>Olivia and Alex were back at thier apartment to get ready for bed. "I'm glad you invited me out with the group it's been awhile. I miss them." Alex started to brush her teeth.<p>

"Well thank you for coming. You know, I think Greylek might have a crush on you." Olivia smirk sitting down on the bed in a pair of boxers and white tank top.

She rinsed her mouth and walked closer to Olivia, "What, that's crazy. She is interested in my accomplishments." Alex perked up with a smile.

"Oh please, you were talking to the one the called the Crucador in DC," She handed out facts while taking off her shoes. "She's flirting."

"You know she could be interested in me, and she isn't gay."

"You don't have to be gay to want to date you" She stated talking about thier history.

"Oh," She cocked her eyebrow. She placed both hands on each side of Olivia on the bed to tower over her. "Are you jealous?"

"Do you want me to?" She starred into Alex's eyes, unzipping Alex's pants to help get ready for her pajamas.

"It would be nice," She smiled softly kissing Olivia's neck.

"I can't believe she was all over you, didn't she get we were together." She joked knowing has been completely faithfully. She got lost with her train of thought with the kisses, "Make love to me."

"What?" Alex stop to be face to face with Liv, who started to unbuttoned her shirt. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I haven't had a nightmare in a couple weeks." She explained, throwing Alex's shirt on to the floor.

Alex caressed Olivia's cheeks, and dove her lips to touch Olivia's, she parted thier lips with her tongue. Olivia ran her hands through Alex's hair pulling them down on to the bed. "Are you sure you want to do this?" Alex questioned again breaking thier kiss to go back it down to her neck. " I mean can wait... if you want to... I can wait... " She kept asking making sure girlfriend complete comfortable after six months of struggling.

Alex propt herself up by her elbows; not to but all her weight on Olivia and to look at her once again. Olivia kissed on of Alex's arms while took her free hand to guide it down her body to her boxer to feel the moister between her legs. "I love you, but I know what I want, and I need you now." Alex could help but to smile from ear to ear; taking her hand back to rip off Liv's shirt expossing her full breast. Alex took her time kissing every inch of Olivia's body, to remind her taste of her soft skin.

Alex finally returned her eyes to Olivia's. She trailed her nails softly down Liv's body for her middle finger meet Olivia's swollen clit. She rubbed her fingers up and down. Olivia began breathing heavily, and closed her eyes. "Are you okay?" Olivia nodded. "Look at me." She opened her eyes with a smile, while running her fingers up and down her. Alex finally thrusted her finger into Olivia causing both of them to gasp. Olivia moved tried to move her in between Alex's legs. Alex grabbed the hand to give it a kiss, and commanded "Please I've been waiting for this for too long." Alex started sliding her fingers in and out and in a circular motion, and her hips moved in the motion of her hand. She was becoming erosed and collecting all of her energy from Liv, who was senstive compared to before with her being pregnant. Alex heard Olivia's breaths that turned into pants, and her nipples gotten hard; causing goosebumps to cover Alex's body. Olivia's whole body tighten up, fighting through it; she pulled Alex closer to her by digging her fingers on her back.

With thier eyes locked with each other, and Alex's finger getting as wet as they have been awhile, "A...Alex"Olivia screamed when she finally hit her climax. Alex couldn't help with the excitement of finally seeing Olivia orgasm, that she reach an orgasm with Liv.

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><p>They were laying under the covers, looking at each other brushing each other's hair with thier fingers. They were all sweaty and out of breath, "I miss you." Alex started.<p>

"Thank you for waiting for me, I think everything is back to normal." Olivia smiled.

"I would have waited years if I had to." She stated, "but I'm glad you're back." She moved her hand on Olivia's six month baby belly. "I love you."

"I love you too," She replied moved in for a small kiss, on that split second they felt a light bump from her belly.

They looked at each other, "Was that?" Alex questioned.

"The baby's moving." She laughed finally excited about this baby feeling it move.

"Haven't you felt it before?"

"Not that I can remember."They felt three more bumps. Olivia commented out of excitement. "I can't believe there is actually someone in here."

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><p><strong>I hoped you enjoyed this please review.<strong>


	12. PTSD

**Okay, I basically summarized the PTSD episode, and with a bit with Alex and Olivia. (Don't have any rights)**

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><p>Olivia and Fin were investigating the rape and murder of Jessica Crewes, the case was getting the best of Olivia. Jessica being seven months pregnant from her rapist and now they baby was cut from her, basically seeing her as Jessica Crewes. They were walking into the hotel where Dominic Pruitt was staying. Olivia open the door to see fighting going on between Pruitt and Rosten.<p>

"NYPD, Hold it Right there!" Olivia yelled with her gun in her hand.

"Freeze!" Fin yelled as well to get their attention.

Pruitt cut Rosten's arm, while Rosten pushed him into the center of the room. "I said, Break it up." Olivia walked further into the room, as Pruitt slammed Rosten on the floor shattering the glass table continuing to punch Rosten, "I said Stop! Stop!" She placed her gun into the holster. "Freeze Back Away!" She still had her voice raised moving closer towards the fight.

"Olivia, No!" Fin yelled at Olivia as she moved her hand down on to Pruitt's arm.

Pruitt's elbow harshly hit Olivia's stomach sending her back to hit the painting hanging on the wall, breaking the frame and glass. The room was fogging out as she watched each hit that Dominic was throwing to Gary's face. Not thinking clearly, and seeing Lowell's body once again throwing each punch; Olivia retrieved her gun out of her holster once again. She placed the muzzle of the gun on to the head, and click back the hammer, index finger being centimeters away from the trigger; causing Pruitt to stop and putting his arms up in the air.

Fin noticed Olivia's blood shocked glassy eyes, and not blinking her daze. He slowly brought his hand up to her hands, "Olivia, you okay? Can you hear me?" Olivia finally blinked bringing hands down looking at Fin. "Easy, Easy, Easy. No." She looked back at Pruitt with her jaw dropping not believing what she almost did.

"I'm sorry," She slowly backed away from the men. "I'm sorry" She kept repeating softly, while breathing heavily.

"What the hell is going on here?" Marlene Rosten questioned walking into the room.

"Stay right there ma'am." Fin put his hand up to stop Marlene.

"I'm sorry." Olivia uttered out once again.

"That's my husband Gary," Marlene confirmed with Fin. "He's hurt, he needs a doctor."

"I said don't move," Fin snapped at Mrs. Rosten, having her to stop and look down. Fin placed his arm on Olivia's shoulder. He spoke calmly to his frantic coworker,"Take your time. Feel your feet on the ground."

"Yeah," She tried shaking her head to get her composure.

"Breathe."

"I can't," She sighed out taking a deep breath in and let it out; looking back at Pruitt, who was staring at her. Fin walked to Pruitt to walk him out of the room. Olivia slowly followed Fin out of the room. She handed Fin the keys to the car. She paced back and forth for a couple of minute to get her head back in the game; before she sat into her car to head to the presinct.

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><p>Olivia walked into the apartment late after the long day of questioning Pruitt. She walked into the kitchen to start cleaning avoiding the bottle of alcohol. Alex walked out of their bedroom wearing a light pink lingerie number that she bought to impress Liv. She walked up to Olivia,"Hey baby,I have got things planned for tonight."<p>

Olivia wasn't paying attention to Alex entering the kitchen. She was slowly cleaning a plate in the sink staring into a daze. Alex placed her hands around Olivia's waist pressing her half-naked body to Olivia's back. Olivia jumped completely up, the ceramic plate fell out of her hands breaking in the sink. She tightly grabbed the edge of the sink, and looked back to see Alex,"Alex!" she sighed out.

"Whoa, whoa, are you okay?" Alex took a step back.

"I don't know." She released her grasp, "I don't know." She slid down the counter, cupping her face in her hands.

"What happen?" Alex sat beside her.

"I think, this case is getting to me. I almost killed a man after trying to break up a fight." She looked at Alex with tears falling down her eyes.

"Are you okay? The baby?" Alex questioned.

"I don't know." She sighed out again confused shaking her head. "I thought this was over. It won't stop every time I think doing better, the flashbacks come back to me."Olivia's voice was shaking.

"Maybe you need to get off this case, apparently you are relating too much Jessica Crewes," Alex recalled what Olivia told her about the case a few days ago.

"That's crazy, I know how to keep my head." Olivia snapped at Alex in denial. "and it doesn't matter, the perp was arrested today and all I have to do is testify when ever the military sets the court date. I just want it all to stop."

Alex placed her hand on Olivia's stomach, and rubbed it always enjoying to feel the baby. "It's all going to be okay. It's over just remember what your therapist tells you to do, and breathe." Olivia placed a hand over Alex's and giving her a small smile being thankful for her girlfriend. Alex pulled her in for a hug.

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><p>A week later Olivia collared the right perp, and Cragen asking Olivia to take time off. She talked to Dominic Pruitt before she left for her 'vacation'. They had a nice conversation about Jessie Crewes.<p>

"Would you have killed him?" She asked Dominic about to Gary Rosten.

"Would you have shot me?" He answered her with a question.

"I can't answer that." Olivia hesitated, causing him to look away. She looked down as well taking a deep breath, "And you deserve to know why..." She avoided eye contact," I was raped six months ago." Olivia finally finding acceptance on her rape and being able to admit what happen.

Dominic stepped closer to her, placing his hands on her arms, and gain eye contact with her glassy eyes. "Quit kicking yourself."

"Yeah. It's easy to say and hard to do."

He smirked at her, "Takes practice. You'll get there." He assured her, and place one hand of his hand on her stomach. He looked at the elevator with the ding. "I've got to catch my train."

"Yeah," Olivia stated as he moved to the opening door. Alex stepped out of the elevator and he was stepping into it, "Master Sergeant."

"Dominic," He allowed Olivia to call him by his first name while pressing the ground button.

"Be careful." Olivia stated while Alex stood next to her.

"I'm a marine, It's what we do." He smirked at her with the door closing.

Alex watched Dominic leave, and looked at Olivia tucked her hair behind her eye, "Are you okay?" She questioned her girlfriend who was wiping the tear streaming down her chick.

Olivia looked at Alex with a smirk, she took a deep breath, "You know, I actually am." She felt relief of her acceptance, they walked into the squad room to gather Olivia's things for her 'vacation'.

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><p><strong>I hoped you enjoyed the story is almost over please review<strong>


	13. Proud Of You

**Sorry for being so short.**

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><p>Olivia was in the nursery painting it a nice powder yellow a nice neutral color. Alex got home after picking up dinner for them. She placed the food on the table and leaned her body on the door frame to the nursery. She was happy to see the glow coming from Olivia. Liv wiped the sweat from the brow and turned her head looking to look at Alex.<p>

"What are you doing?" Olivia blushed, putting down the brush.

"Just admiring the view." Alex replied, walking closer towards her love. "I brought food." She wrapped her arms Liv's belly and rested her chin on Liv's shoulder.

"Okay." Olivia overlapped her hands to Alex's hand, and her head as Alex kissed her temple. They broke away from the embrace after a few minutes to eat the dinner, and after dinner Olivia was sitting in the rocking chair back in the nursery, rubbing her stomach and talking to it to communicate with the person inside of her.

Alex walked into the nursery, with a book to start reading to the baby. She sat down on the floor and rest her head to the belly. Olivia played with Alex's hair. Once Alex was done, she looked around the room. "This room is coming along."

"Yeah, well I'm glad it is almost done, I mean I go back to work tomorrow and I really won't have any free time after she arrives. Well I from what I heard I won't have free time after that either." Olivia sighed out. "We do have to figure out the furniture."

Alex stood up to tower over Olivia, and wanting to look at her, "I am so proud of you."

"For what?"

"Going through everything." Alex started.

Olivia began tracing her finger around Alex's lips, "Well I just need to thank, my friends for helping me to keep my head on straight." Alex lips leaned in closer Olivia's, they were staring into her eyes. "And you for sticking with every jump, and middle of the night wake ups."

"For you anything, I love you so much."

Olivia pulled Alex in for a passionate kiss. Olivia placed Alex's hand on her belly to have Alex feel the very active baby. "She loves you too." Olivia broke the kiss with a smile; answering for her and her child.

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><p>Olivia walked out of Cragen's office the next morning; and sat down at her desk. Elliot watched his partner a little upset.<p>

"What's wrong?" He smirked.

"Cragen has put me one desk duty for the next six weeks." She scoffed.

"At least your back, and it's not a punishment."

"Yeah, well I'm pregnant, not disable."

"Last time you were out in the field you got hit, so trust Cragen, that he is thinking the best for your little guy." He stated, knowing his partner who hates desk duty but would also do anything for her baby. He made himself a cup of coffee and sat on her desk.

She looked down at her belly, and back to Elliot, "I guess he is right. I guess on the bright side My paper work will completely done." She laughed knowing it would be done with in a week.

"You know, you are looking incredibly amazing today." Elliot noticing the glow that Olivia had and the lack of worry in her eyes.

"Thank you, but you know I feel amazing now. It's like Lowell Harris is finally out of my life, and I'm getting ready for the newest chapter." Olivia smiled holding her stomach.

"I proud of you," Elliot stated placing his hand on her shoulder.

"El, we have a rape murder in Chelsea we need to head down there now." Fin got off the phone grabbing his jacket. "Liv glad to have you back."

"I have to go." El frowned to his partner.

"You guys have fun."

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><p><strong>I know it is short last chapter should be up soon... I want to know if you guys think Liv should have a Boy or a Girl... and possible names?<strong>


	14. Baby Benson

Elliot walked into the squad room after talking to a couple of people on the field. "What's wrong with you?" Olivia questioned sensing her partner stressed.

"Oh my, this case is getting nowhere." Elliot sat down at his desk speaking to Olivia.

She leaned forward to her partner who opened a folder to figure out something. "Yeah, well how are things in the outside world."

"Hell, I'm ready for your little guy to get here so I can have my partner back."

"You know, I'm not dead. I can go out into the field with you guys." She said slowly getting out of her chair holding her nearly nine month belly, to make El a cup of coffee to do something instead of paper work.

Elliot laughed at Liv who waddle over to the coffee station, who was in no condition to run after any suspects. "Yeah, you might not be dead, but I would like to see you climb over fences or even out sprint me."

"You know I could totally out run you." She smiled at Elliot who knew he was right since she could hardly move with a bladder that was shrinking.

"Thanks," He began to drink his new beverage. "He is almost here, I say you have a about..." El was guessing the count down on her actual due date, knowing a little something about it from Kathy's pregnancies. Olivia bent over a little and grabbed her lower stomach and exhaled harshly. "Whoa, hey are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine just a minor cramp." She returned to her seat.

"Are you sure? When is your date?" He was told once but wanted to be sure.

"Uh..." She still held her stomach and her breathing, "Two weeks,"

"You know maybe we should go to your doctors,"

"No, I'm fine. I promise." Olivia stated knowing she had a doctor's appointment in the morning and then jumped at a sharp pain in her back. "Okay, yeah, doctors now."

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><p>Alex was walking down the corridors of the courthouse talking to the ADAs, Alex's assistant ran down the hallway to meet up with her.<p>

"Ms. Cabot, Ms. Cabot."

"Yes Tina?" She questioned being busy with all her subordinates around her with questions about their cases.

"Elliot called, it's time."

"It's time?" Alex repeated back not registering, with everything going on; until, "Oh My God It's Time! That means... Oh my God." Alex hugged her nodding assistant, handing her the files to run out of the courthouse."I... I've got to go."

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><p>Alex walk into the hospital room where Elliot and Olivia were at, after having to go to the apartment to get their emergency bag. Olivia was sitting on the bed hunched over screaming out of pain from the contraction. Elliot was holding her hand and rubbed her back. Elliot step to the side, allowing Alex to hold Olivia's tight painful grasp.<p>

"Alex?" Olivia questioned breathing heavy to fight through the pain.

"Yeah, baby I'm here." Alex looked at Elliot, "How is she doing?" She questioned him who was with her for the whole time.

"It's almost here. Contractions are two minutes apart." He looked at his watch.

"How are we doing?" the doctor asked walking in the room.

"Dying in pain," Olivia releasing Alex's hand to lay back down on the bed. "I change my mind about the meds can I have them to make the pain to stop."

"Okay let's see where we are at first." The doctor laughed sitting down on the chair.

"I'm going to be out in the waiting room." Elliot got up and walked out of the room before the doctor examined Olivia, under her gown to see how dilated she was.

"Okay Olivia we can't get those meds, your baby is ready."

"What really?" Olivia asked completely scared that it's time all the classes that they took didn't prepare her enough. Alex rubbed Olivia's shoulder with a smile, knowing the past eight and half months is about to pay off.

"Yes, come on we need to get you to the delivery room." The doctor informed.

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><p>They arrived into a colder room, not nearly as welcoming as the hospital room Olivia was waiting in. But the room had all the equipment that the doctor and the nurses needed. The nurse propped up the bed Olivia was on into an angled position. The doctor spread Olivia's legs, "Okay Olivia are you ready?"<p>

"I don't know." She said looking at Alex, moving her body to get into the best position she can get into. Her right hand firmly gripped Alex's left hand. She nodded to the doctor. "Okay."

"Olivia you need to start pushing." She was commanded by the doctor. She started to push and couldn't help but to grunt through the pushing she was doing. "You need push harder."

Alex continued to rub her back, "Come on sweetie you can do this."

Olivia was becoming sweaty, shaky, and tired, with her efforts. She kept tightening her grip to Alex's hand with each push, eventually sit up higher. "You are almost there, the baby is crowning." The doctor called out to her.

Alex leaned forward to see the head coming out of Olivia, causing her to smile. "I see the head."

"Olivia you need to do one more really big push."

"I can't." Olivia whined ready to take a break.

"You can baby," She held Olivia's shoulder with a tear running down her eye with everything with the excitement, "Come on. One more!" Olivia shook her head during Alex's coaching. "I know baby... I know you're tired, but I promise you, it will be over and you sleep for three days. You just need to give this last push."

Olivia took a full grip of the table, and Alex's hand. She leaned completely forward, give everyone her final major push. She screamed loud to her action. "She is out." The doctor stated as Olivia collapsed on the chair.

"Did you hear she is a little girl." Alex leaned down brushing Olivia's hair back. Olivia smiled out with a nod.

"Do you want to cut the cord?" Alex was asked the honorable question. Alex looked in Olivia's tired eyes, and nodded. Alex turned towards the baby girl to snip the umbilical cord, getting the first look her full little body. The doctor handed little baby Benson to the nurse to get cleaned up and to be examined with cries come out of her.

Alex turned back to Olivia, "You did good sweetie."

Olivia looked at Alex, "How is she?" She asked about her baby, not being able to see her yet.

"Olivia she is perfect, she has all ten fingers and all ten toes." Olivia smiled with tears of rejoice falling down her eyes, causing Alex to continue to cry. Olivia pulled Alex down for a tight hug, and a quick kiss. They broke their once they heard the small voice letting out a loud cry getting closer.

Olivia was finally handed her little girl who was wrapped in a blanket, as soon as they made contact with each other, the cries stopped. Olivia's energy was restored with her daughter in her hands."You are beautiful, I can't believe you were in side me." Her big blue eyes made contacted with Olivia's brown eyes. Olivia kissed the tiny head and brushed her face with her index finger. Olivia looked at Alex with a smile.

Alex leaned into Olivia,"Any regrets?" She kissed Olivia's forehead.

"Not at all," Olivia stared at her baby girl, and sniffled. "You are loved, Samantha Alexis Benson."

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><p><em><strong>THE END<strong>_

_**I hoped you enjoyed the Story.**_


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